One Wish

Today is mother's day and i didn't even get to say it to my mom and I hate it. I haven't seen her the whole day. She left at like 7 in the morning and doesn't come home for me to see. I wish I could contact her too and wish her a happy mother's day but she doesn't have a cellphone so there is no way for me to contact her and tell her. I wish she cared about me. I wish she would have waited for me to wake up so I can be able to wish her a good morning and say "I love you. Happy Mother's Day" instead of her leaving so early to do whatever she does. I wish that she came home earlier to see me the very least and spend some time with me rather than stay out all day and shop. But knowing her, it will never happen. I know it sounds like I'm self-pitying myself but what can I do. She doesn't care about me. I know people will say, "That's not true! your mom loves you!" Ha! I wish. Yes, she cooks for me and she, oh wait, that's all she ever does for me. She cooks. That's all. And honestly, if she knew that I know how to cook, she'll stop doing that. I don't show it but I'm very jealous of some of my friend's who have moms that care. They have moms that drive to Irvine and back while my mom complains about having a headache every time she comes to Irvine to pick me up and she's not ever driving; my dad is. I mean, even if you do have a headache, can you not tell me cause that makes me feel guilty. Here I am excited that you came and visited your daughter, your only daughter, your only child, but all I listen to later is the sound of your whining voice saying that you have a headache because you came to Irvine to pick me up. Now that I think of it, why did I even go home? I mean, I could have stayed at Irvine, which would have been so much more convenient for everyone. But no, I went home because I wanted to see you. I wanted to see you on the day where we celebrate all mothers. But that day came, and you are no where to be seen. I didn't see you once today. I don't even know where you are. I hate how I'm so overfilled with grief over a person who doesn't really think that I exist. If you do think that I exist, you really really would stayed at home with me and just be with me. You never do. I don't know even know why this day would be any different. My fault for thinking that my mother cared for me. I don't even care anymore. The tears have been shed. It's over. I take this one wish back.