Almost August!!

Oh em geeee!! Where in the world did July go?! I still clearly remember when I wrote July 6 on the top of my paper when I took notes for my econ class. And now it's August! Sigh. Clearly, time is not on our side, but it’s okay! cause the memories I carry are still as clear as day!

Just some stuff I’m going to list that are at the top of my head:
- Harry Potter NOW officially over for me. Last one I watched was not the Deathly hallows Part 2, but Half-Blooded Prince, which was my favorite book out of the 7.
- Planning to read the Hunger Games.
- Grades are now coming out soon. I'm praying to the many Gods that there are that I get an A.
- Classics!
- OC FAIR!??!
- DISNEYLAND?!?!?!
- 6 FLAGS!??!
- NEW PHONEEEE!!! Still deciding.....
- MOVING IN TO NEW APT. going to be SPECTACULAR!!!
- IKEA SHOPPING AFTERWARDS!!!!!!
- LOVE my job
- PRAYING TO THE GODS I GET THAT DARN ACCOUNTING MINOR! PLEASE LET MY DREAMS COME TRUE! T_T <3 :3
- watch chick flicks. In dire need of them
- READ BOOKS! HOW I MISS THOU!
- GMAT?! TT_TT
- HANGING OUT WITH SALLY WANGGGG
- more, but just note to self: embrace what life gives you.

One Wish

Today is mother's day and i didn't even get to say it to my mom and I hate it. I haven't seen her the whole day. She left at like 7 in the morning and doesn't come home for me to see. I wish I could contact her too and wish her a happy mother's day but she doesn't have a cellphone so there is no way for me to contact her and tell her. I wish she cared about me. I wish she would have waited for me to wake up so I can be able to wish her a good morning and say "I love you. Happy Mother's Day" instead of her leaving so early to do whatever she does. I wish that she came home earlier to see me the very least and spend some time with me rather than stay out all day and shop. But knowing her, it will never happen. I know it sounds like I'm self-pitying myself but what can I do. She doesn't care about me. I know people will say, "That's not true! your mom loves you!" Ha! I wish. Yes, she cooks for me and she, oh wait, that's all she ever does for me. She cooks. That's all. And honestly, if she knew that I know how to cook, she'll stop doing that. I don't show it but I'm very jealous of some of my friend's who have moms that care. They have moms that drive to Irvine and back while my mom complains about having a headache every time she comes to Irvine to pick me up and she's not ever driving; my dad is. I mean, even if you do have a headache, can you not tell me cause that makes me feel guilty. Here I am excited that you came and visited your daughter, your only daughter, your only child, but all I listen to later is the sound of your whining voice saying that you have a headache because you came to Irvine to pick me up. Now that I think of it, why did I even go home? I mean, I could have stayed at Irvine, which would have been so much more convenient for everyone. But no, I went home because I wanted to see you. I wanted to see you on the day where we celebrate all mothers. But that day came, and you are no where to be seen. I didn't see you once today. I don't even know where you are. I hate how I'm so overfilled with grief over a person who doesn't really think that I exist. If you do think that I exist, you really really would stayed at home with me and just be with me. You never do. I don't know even know why this day would be any different. My fault for thinking that my mother cared for me. I don't even care anymore. The tears have been shed. It's over. I take this one wish back.

Officially 20.

OOooo. Okay, now I can say that I'm officially 20. hohoho! One more hour and then April 3 will be gone!

Well, today was an alright day. Woke up at 8. Ate noodles and dad wrote me a check for the school tuition he owed me for achieving higher than a 3.5. Packed up my stuff since I wasn't returning home from work. Went to Caltech and worked until 3. Left for lunch and then came back to do some fast taxes stuff. Then Dad had to go to tennis stuff, so I stayed in the car and took a nap. Woke up and read Antigone. Still need to finish. Headed for Irvine but stopped on the way to have a quicky but large dinner at Sam Woo: egg noodle w/ shrimp and curry w/ shrimp and rice. Got back to CV and Bonnie gave me an awesome box filled with goodies. And she wrote me a card that totally touched my heart and made me cry. I was so touched because she did it out of her own heart. I totally didn't expect it and I guess that is what touched me the most. She also baked brownies and made chocolate covered pretzels for me. She really made me feel special today so thank you BONNIE! :') I also got presents, a shirt and purse, from Colleen, Jenny, Ana, and Natasha. THANK YOU GUYS!! and How can I forget. A STICH POPPING FROM A CUPCAKEEEEE!!! THANK YOU SO MUCH KAREN!!! <3 :))

So I guess I'll leave and say, "Hey Susan, Happy 20th Birthday"

oh muh gawd. itz me birzdai!

Oh god, did I really just type that? Especially now that I'm twenty? Well I'm not twenty YET!, since I was born at the night-ish around 10 or 11 pm, I think...

Anyways, I'm no longer a teenager; I can't believe it. I'm kind of glad now. I'm not really sad that I'm not a teenager anymore, more like I'm shocked cause DANG! I HAVE LIVED TWO DECADES NOW! I'm still waiting for the time where I can totally forget about my birthday and my age. Like when I'm thirty-two or something and I totally forget how old I am and think that I'm 48 and then think that my birthday is in August or something. Can't wait for all that mid-life crisis moment.

Haha, joking aside. When it's a person's birthday, I honestly would not know what to think if I were in his/her shoes. But in my shoes, I don't really care about it. I do not like the idea of me being the center of attention. I don't like it when people give me gifts because something about it seems weird and awkward. I don't know. I just wish that on my "birthday" everyone would forget about it and treat it as if it were any other day, a day that isn't special, because honestly I'm no one special. I'm just an ordinary girl that exists on this Earth. I don't mind if my birthday was celebrated because I made a great impact or something. I just really don't want to celebrate something because people have too. I hate that feeling when it's not genuine. I don't want people to celebrate my birthday because they should. I would like them to celebrate it if and only if they want to because they enjoy taking the time to do it. I mean, if they see it as a waste of time and unnecessary, then oh help me god, don't do it at all because honestly, I wouldn't celebrate my own birthday. I'm not fishing for pity or anything, just putting it out there. I saying what I truly believe. I find birthdays annoying personally. What is all this deal with parties, gifts... It is such a hassle, right? If I could be granted any wish, I would wish that people forgot my birthday. I don't want to constantly be reminded that I'm aging. I don't want to receive gifts because people tell me that they forgot and will get it but then it never comes which leads me to have expectations but to only find out that i shouldn't have had it in the first place. I don't enjoy the fact yet still find it really really nice that people say happy birthday to you once and never speak to you again. I especially hate when people celebrate it because they find it a chore to make me happy. No, I don't want if it's only going to make me happy. I want it for you to enjoy and be fun when you're doing it. Then, that would make the birthday worthwhile.

Well, what I'm trying to say is: happy birthday susan. just another normal day so don't have any expectations. don't think you'll be treated like royalty. just know that you're living and be grateful for that. i don't know. i'm 20. mid-life crisis already? haha probably just sleep deprivation. gnite!

I Despise Having Short Term Memory

So there are a lot of things that I need to do but once I turn my head, I don't remember what I have to do anymore. It is so annoying. Such as just now, I needed to do something, but I really really can't think of what I need to do. So sucky. But anyways...

Duude, I am in depressed mode. My dad told me yesterday that if I get straight A's this quarter, he's going to buy me an iPad 2. I didn't even suggest it. He was the one who offered. It's weird because I was just about to ask him about getting an iPad 2 after I find out my grades after Friday. Like, if I found out that I got the grades I wanted, I would ask him, but if I didn't, I'd drop the subject. Anywho, out of the blue, he offered getting me an iPad 2 if I got straight A's. So, I really really hope that I get it. Like, I mentioned me hating presents, but this is not a present. This is something I deserve for working hard. So, please please plesae PLEASE! dear lord, I ask this one wish. This has been on my mind the whole day. I know that I don't NEED the iPad 2 and that I just want it, but I can't explain why I want it so much myself. When the first iPad came out, I was "meh, what's so great about that?" But when iPad 2 came out, I'm like WANT! and I honestly don't know why.

Well, this week is spring break so I will be going to work. I'm not so excited nor am I so scared; I'm just indifferent. I hope that this week passes by just as fast as the last one during finals. I also can't wait cause I brought a lot of books back to read, so I'm pretty excited about that. :D SOMETHING BORROWED!! It's coming out in theaters and I want to read it before I watch it :3. Water for Elephants is also coming out and I simply can't wait. Once I read that book, I knew it had to be made into a movie and I'm really glad that it did. It's so good! So anyways, off on that tangent, I hope that this week passes by because I finally finalized my "dream" schedule. I don't really fancy it, but it's the best of what they offered for the classes I'm taking.



Sort of excited about Spring Quarter. 2 classes with Karen! :D and yeah, if I don't get straight A's this quarter, I must get it Spring Quarter! I am totally motivated.

If You Want to Know One Thing About Me...

I hate presents.

Don't give them to me. The gesture and the act of giving are great and all, but I hate the fact that there are expectations. If the expectations are met, that's great. If not, then you'll just pretend that everything's fine but actually, you'll leave it aside and never think about it again. What was the point in giving it in the first place? Oh right, the gesture... well, did they appreciate it? Well, probably for that one minute, and then? Nope. Lost in the back of their mind.

I'm so moody. Finals are bringing it down hard.