Super UN-Natural!

So my suite is in a current hype with Supernatural, the show with the two brothers... doing stuff.

So anyways, I don't know but I always get this feeling that people are pulling away from me so I get these subconscious thoughts running through my head thinking if it was something that I said or did and if they're talking about me behind my back. I know I might be acting a teensy weensy bit paranoid, no? Okay, a lot of paranoi..a. But still, if they don't act that way, they I won't think this way. But because they are acting that way, I'm thinking this way. So yeah... I'm totally paranoid. But still, it's just that the feeling... it's there. And I'm guessing that if you were in my shoes, you'd feel it too. How people are just pulling away from you and pushing you away and crap like that. I think I'm acting a bit spoiled. Just because they didn't really invite me to something doesn't mean they hate me. And just because they don't include me in a conversation doesn't mean they think I'm annoying. Or does it? Well I don't know. I hope it's not and that I'm being a good person. I really do like the people I hang out with. Maybe it's just too late in the night and I'm thinking weird thoughts.

I also think it's annoying of me to constantly chase after guys I can never reach, such as Korean drama actors, and fawn over them thinking they are some sort of gods. More than that is the fact that I like falling for gay guys. I mean they're gay and they're guys. They're going to be chasing after men, not a girl like muah. And especially Chris Colfer, a star and an awesomely beautiful and gorgeous gay guy, I don't have a single chance to ever meet and see him. Mercedes, you are one lucky girl to get a peck on the cheek from him. Love you too tho!

Oh and I suddenly remembered what I came to rant about. So my math midterm. I underestimated it. I thought it was going to be the easiest test ever, and it was! So I did my best to hurry and finish it but it still took a while. I thought I did well until we reviewed it and I found out that I totally blew it. Yesterday, I found out that I got a 89.84 on it. An effing B+. It totally kills me to see that it's my grade. I hate it so much. It was all due to laziness. There was this word "defined" which I didn't really know, but because of the assigned seats where I was stuck in the middle, I couldn't go out and teachers couldn't come in, and I was too lazy to raise my hand, so I just assumed it meant something. But on Tuesday, we discussed it and it totally meant something else, and if I'd only asked, I could have gotten those points. So stupid of me. This was supposedly the easiest test that he was going to give and I blew it. I'm still pretty mad at myself and I'm going to prepare to receive a huge scolding from my dad. This is just ridiculous. I'm really mad at myself and wish that this lazy habit can just change. Seriously.

-s00z3n <3 :)

Wow. Nearly a Week W/out Posting

Well, what can I say. College is consuming my life as it should. I haven't been really studying though, mainly due to Mario Kart, Korean Dramas, and other good stuff. I'm so excited now that 10 Things I Hate About You and GLEE is back. CHRIS COLFERRR!!! I truly love him. He is soo cute but too bad he's gay, which is why, I guess, I like him. *sigh*. I pity my life, chasing guys that I'm not even able to meet... scratch that, it's not so petty-ble. It's just plainly called being a crazy fan girl. Aw well.

First midterm of the quarter on Monday. Math and hopefully, it'll be easy. An essay assigned three days ago in Art History and a huge project for Econ that I have no clue one. Actually, I don't even know what's going on in Econ. Some accountant I'm going to be. Oh well.

-s00z3n <3 :)

Annoyed

So April 3 was my birthday and it was crappy like always. Well, it wasn't crappy. But it was boring. I stayed home alone watching dramas all day. Night I didn't even eat a lot because I was sitting to my Great Grand Uncle who complains about my weight. And in the end, I played, instead of 1 hour, TWO and A HALF hour of tennis. And that's how April 3rd ended. I did get my driver's licence though!

Well, came back to Irvine today around 2:30. Thank god! I love Irvine. Went to hang out and played basketball and volleyball. Fun. Ate and then chilled some more by playing Taboo. Friends got into a mini fight so one stormed off. Went to cut up some clothes and I did a bit of mini craft. Was fun. Gonna shower then sleep. So effing tired.

So basically, I'm annoyed with out RA. He's really effing biased. He hates our little group for like no reason. Too good for him I'll bet. Oh well. I'll elaborate on it next time.

Apparently, I'm a 38C and my cleavage is pretty big. I'll go cry now. WHY CAN'T I BE BOOB-LESS?!?!?!!?!

-s00z3n <3 :)

A Wish

I wish for many things just like everyone else. I wish I was skinnier and prettier. I wish I was a smart person who didn't have to study and play games all day. I wish I was more outgoing, meeting people so I can make new connections. I wish I can be happy even when I'm sad. And what I said isn't even a millionth of what I really want and wish for. I'm probably at my PMS-ing stage of the month but I'm happy that these thoughts can come to my head and sit there letting me think.

But honestly, what is the point of all this thinking. It doesn't lead to anywhere. This thinking is like seeing a gun. If I wanted to do anything, to see any change, I can't just stare at it but actually pull the trigger. I need to literally shoot for my goal. But I'm not.

I'm just sitting there, watching the time pass by, the people moving on while I'm staying back. I really want to stand and walk, walk forward and not look back. Walk and fall with no regrets, then get up and try to run. Will it ever get me anywhere? Will I choose the right path in the process? Will this make my wish come true? In reality, we won't know until we see, but personally, I think the answer to those questions are all "yes." Yes, it will take me somewhere. Yes, I will choose the right path because I have the ability to differentiate. Yes, what I do will make my wish come true. But all this takes action, it takes courage, it takes discipline. I can't be who I am now if I want to see any change. I can't be laid back and have things come to me. I am the one who has to work hard to reach my goal. I am the only one who can make my wish come true.

But for now, I believe I can say that I am satisfied and happy with who I am. Have a Happy April Fools Day.

-s00z3n <3 :)